Jordan

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-06-14T11:39:00

2006-06-14T15:39:35Z

Added a bunch of new people to my new lj, check and add me back you fucks.

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-06-12T20:13:00

2006-06-13T00:23:11Z

So I'm making one last post on this. I've taken the past two days to look back on my life, and what I want to do with it.

I've made the decision to cut back on my drinking. I will no longer be getting drunk every weekend. This is not to say that I wont casually drink and maybe have a beer or two, and if I decide not to drink for a weekend it doesnt mean I'm going to turn into some douche who wont hang around people who are drinking when I'm not. I've just realized its taking a negative tole on my life. I spend most of my money on booze, and I'm known as the guy who always gets drunk, or is drunk, and theres defenitly a lot more out of life than to be known only for that. I'm going to dedicate more of my time to persuing my dreams which I seem to be putting off. Getting an agent, writing some scripts or books, and getting my band going more.

I've been in an odd way lucky to be related to two people who never followed their dreams, they just kind of put them off or gave up on them. They live now and still regret that they never went after them, and I think out of anything that could happen to me I would hate that the most, I'd rather fail and know I tried, then live in a nice house and wonder what the fuck might have happened. Its time I get busy livin', instead of getting busy dyin.

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-06-09T08:24:00

2006-06-09T12:25:45Z

Fuck it, Im done, I cant deal with this shit anymore. You're all fuckin cut.

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-06-06T22:03:00

2006-06-07T02:15:32Z

Happy 666 devil day guys, may the dark lord rise up and- SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID ANNOYING MORBID DEVIL PRAISING MOTHER FUCKERS!! IM ABOUT TO RAISE SOME DARK LORD ON YOUR ASS IN THE FORM OF AN ICE PICK TO YOUR FUCKING RETNA!!! GO JERK OFF TO SOME SHITTY VAMPIRE MOVIE, DRESS UP IN SOME JUST PLAIN STUPID INDUSTRIAL OUTFIT AND THEN SET YOURSELF ON FUCKING FIRE OK!?!?! YOU LIKE HELL AND THE DEVIL SO MUCH WHY DONT YOU GO DOWN A COUPLE PINTS OF CAROSINE AND THEN SWALLOW A MATCH YOU FUCKING PSEUDO GOTH FUCK!!!

I am so sick of all these stupid fucking people talking about how today is the day of the Devil, if you at any point today said praise the devil, or day of the beast or whatever, I hope a wolverine casterates you while you sleep. People like you shouldnt be allowed to exsist, you try too fucking hard, and keeping you alive only wastes my oxygen while you pollute my air with incents and probably some half ass tobacco that someone sold you under the guise of WARLOCK WEED, or LUCIFER GRASS or some morinic D&D themed bullshit.

Fact is most of you probably came from families that served you Tang and offered to help you with your homework, and you decided to praise the devil beacuse they asked you to mow the lawn. OH WELL I CAME FROM A BAD FAMILY!!! So your first reaction is to wear makeup and look terminally depressed? Christ steal a car, knock up a ho I dont fucking care christ do something that doesnt make you look like a complete and total dickweed. We should just get rid of these people, track them through forums, and sales of shitty Goth cds or just raid Synthetic saturdays GET IN THE VAN!! Where are we going? FOR ICE CREAM GET IN THE FUCKING VAN!!! Oh if dreams came true...

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-06-05T18:27:00

2006-06-05T23:07:10Z

Why do people get upset when I tell them the truth?

A couple terms that I find funny ( at least to me)

when people say YOU'RE AM ASSHOLE as if its some kind of surprise. OMG JORDAN YOU JUST KICKED THE BLIND KID IN THE CROTCH AND THEN SET HIS SEEING EYE DOG ON FIRE!!! " Bet he didnt see that coming" Your such an asshole Jordan!! yeah and your an attention seeking douche bag with as much personality as a paper bag NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU THINK! Do me a favour go drink a keg of bacon grease and choke on your own tounge while some ironic goth band or a Tim Burton film plays in the background.

People who tell ME to mind MY own business. Who the FUCK do these people think they are to tell ME this shit. These are the same nosey mother fuckers who feel they need to pry into my sex life. I cant think of anyone who decided to ignore rumors about me because " it wasnt their business" Mind my own business? Mind your own fucking advise you cock faced moron. JORDAN YOU SHOULD MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND ON THE SUBJECT OF YOUR BUSINSS WHAT THIS I HEAR ABOUT YOU FUCKING SOME GIRL? I have a new lease on life, a new way of dealing with this situation next person that tells me to mind my own business when they always question me about something I did I will stab them in the face with a cattle prod!! Oh its only a slight pain in my face- GREAT MY FUCKING EARS ARE ON FIRE!! In fact I wont even stab you I will whip it out and like javalin it into your face like some kind of crazy tazmanian tribesmen, I may even bust out a Xena yell to add to the effect.

I went for my G1 today and some stupid Jabba the Hutt looking fat lady told me I need a signature on something? Apperently it doesnt matter if I have my birth certificate and everything else that proves I am who I am, but no I need a fucking SIGNATURE!!! Every other place only cares about having the credentials but NO you can get a fake ID and as long as you scribble what looks like a signature on it theyll give you a license to operate an 8 ton vehicle of death! I need all this ID to buy a gun of booze but as long as I have my photo next to my signature I can run people over with my Pontiac GREAT!!! Needless to say I waved my hand and said " You do not need my signature, this information is sufficient" in my best Obie Wan Kenobi voice...she wasnt impressed, but what do I care its not like she can run after me or anything.

Know what I dont get? Fat people...with shitty personalities. ITS AGAINST THE RULES!!! If you are fat you are legally obligated to have a good peronality to make up for your unsightly girth!!!It's like against nature, people wonder what the missing link is I FOUND IT! ITS AN OVERWEIGHT ELVIS INPERSONATOR WITH AN ANGER MANAGMENT PROBLEM!!!

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-06-04T14:13:00

2006-06-04T18:13:41Z

Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-05-28T22:22:00

2006-05-29T02:40:04Z

Weekend was decent, though I am now covered in bites and a shitty farmer tan.

I jumped into the lake at 11 am and was convinced it nearly killed me, and now no longer have to worry about not having a family because the water has now permantently frozen my sperm, so that even when Im 80 I can still create illegitimate bastard children named after tranformers.

David Cross kicks ass.

Having a job that allows me to do things such as see the Alley Dukes and Beach Boys is awesome.

I realized I have an odd love for Root Beer.

haha I cant wait to hear the stories from Wasaga, though I probably wont be able to hear some because people dont want to ruin their image of being so innocent. I never understood why people hide aspects of themselves from people, seems fuckin stupid to me.

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-05-23T22:52:00

2006-05-24T03:11:04Z

The following rant was predicted and thus is dedicated to everyone at works at Toppers. Jordan Denomy proudly presents:

Things I hate about people...who call Toppers.

1. Why the fuck is it, that people who cannot form a proper sentence and can barely speak fucking english call and order? I got a call from some moron who felt the need to respond to every thing I said with HELLO ten seconds after I spoke!!! Turns out hes from Anderson college and this is supposably a very " prestigious" school. Great, thats just fucking great. Theres a guy in this school who can take biology and probably become a teacher but he cant order a fucking pizza, great, if there was ever a big fucking red flag as far as loopholes in the education system go, this ones about the size of a football field.

MR WHATS TWO PLUS TWO?....hello?....MR I GOTTA KNOW WHAT TWO PLUS TWO IS!!....k.....WHAT THE FUCK!!!

Then! THEN!! You get the fucking people who call and dont know what they fucking want! We should be certified in giving out an IQ test, if you call into us and dont know what the fuck your ordering we send a crack team of scientists over to your house, they make you infertile and then ship you back to the second grade where maybe youll grip the concept of thinking before you fucking act!! I do no call an airport before I know where I want to fly, I do not go shopping if I dont know what I want to buy, and I DO NOT CALL A FUCKING PIZZA PLACE TO ORDER BEFORE I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO FUCKING ORDER!!! We are like a Toppers drive through people come to us when they want to ignore all the dumbfucks inside who go in and dont know what they want! WE ARE THE SPEED LANE WE ARE FOR THE FUCKING SPEEDY PEOPLE! NOT THE I'LL EVENTUALLY FIGURE IT THE FUCK OUT PEOPLE!!!

Lastly I hate people who dont know how to order. An order is a lot like an interview, I am the interviewer, you are the interviewee! Until I ask you a fucking question you do not respond!!!! My goal is to ask questions that obstract the neccisary information that I need to order you a pizza, you are not to randomly shout out what you want to me, you are to sit back speak when spoken too, and when I ask for said info you fucking give it to me, until then sit back, smile, and shut the fuck up!!!

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-05-22T16:07:00

2006-05-22T20:08:05Z

To act or to write and direct? That is the choice I am struggling with.

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-05-20T13:30:00

2006-05-20T17:35:22Z

Alright so I am updating on the behalf of Tim. Tim will be having a box social of sorts tonight, and thus some of your fucks can come over. Not many people are allowed to come due to mess and such so if you wish to attend call Tim at

905-449-7406 and see if you can come.

If you just randomly show up without being granted the ability to come you will be DENIED access, so ask Tim first or dont bother.

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-05-16T18:09:00

2006-05-16T22:11:07Z

Fucking rats. People should mind their own fucking business.

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-05-15T18:55:00

2006-05-15T22:57:50Z

UNEMPLOYED NO MORE!!!

Pub night is in order.

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-05-14T10:50:00

2006-05-14T15:22:49Z

I FOUND A FUCKING CABBIE HAT!!!! Its fucking sweet, and badass, fuck you if you disagree.

I also went to get some new shoes and found I cant buy chuck taylors because so many douche baggity pre teen fuckbags get them so now they dont have any above a size 9. I was thus forced to get some black adidas shoes because they were the only cool black shoes there so now when I see some pre teen fuckbag wearing chuck taylors I will have the urge to dropkick them in my slick new adidas shoes. I really wanna dropkick people, its a dream one day I will randomly run full speed and perform a fucking flying ninja kick on an unexpecting guy itll be classic. Hopefully some fat kid whos like 8 and thinks hes tough will say something to me so i can do it, I think even if I saw a guy I didnt even know dropkick a fat kid randomly I would feel obligated to pay them.

drinking Malt liquor now makes me contemplate suicide.

Band practice was good we wrote a new song and ate bran muffin( yeah we like bran muffins so fuckin what? wanna fight about it?) and then me and Joe watched good fellas while a million annoying cunts called every three minutes.

People piece of fucking advice if you have never had and will not have anyone at your house anytime soon dont get pissed that you cant go to Joes its just fucking stupid.

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-05-11T19:50:00

2006-05-11T23:51:04Z

Anyone know where I can get an oldschool cabbies hat?

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-05-11T16:42:00

2006-05-11T21:02:20Z

I have an interview at Toppers tommorow hopefully it goes well.

I love when people use old or outdated jokes and then when you dont laugh at them they go GET A SENSE OF HUMOR, or you could get some new fucking material when you use the same joke every 5 seconds it loses its fucking PAZZAZ really fucking fast. its like that fucking RICK JAMES joke of IM RICK JAMES BITCH see that was funny until every moron with a functioning vocabulary started saying it!!! IM RICK JAMES!! GUESS WHEN IM A PUNCH IN THE THROAT!!! What? I dont get it- OH GOD MY THROAT!!!

So I was in class the other day, and we all had a giant talk about this gangbang story. Basically this drunken whore propositions an entire hockey team to fuck her, so they put a bag over her head and run a train on her, and fucked her one after the other. So basically the entire class is sitting there going OH GOD THATS HORRIBLE, HOW COULD THEY DO THAT, WONT SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE GIRL!!! All the while Im the only person in the back thinking " How do you decide the order for a gangbang?" I mean who gets to delegate position for that kind of thing? Do you have like a heads or tails tournament or maybe a giant game of Rock Paper Scissors?

Someone then pipes up well maybe they do it numerically and I couldnt help but think there would be some guy with like the number 98 going FUCKING GREAT!YEAH! LETS DO THE FUCKING NUMBER THING AGAIN! THATS EASY FOR YOU TO SAY MR. NUMBER 3, I MEAN CHRIST I EVEN HAVE TO GO AFTER THE FAT KID? GOD DAMMIT WHY DID MY ILLIGITIMATE GANGBANG BASTARD SON HAVE TO BE BORN IN 98!!!

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-05-08T19:48:00

2006-05-09T00:01:11Z

Decent weekend, had people over both nights. Nachos kick a lot of ass.

I do enjoy that people still assume things about me, just because of the past, despite the fact that Ive changed, meh they can get fucked.

My life is like office space where gossip is like the fucking TPS report everyone feels the need to mention and ask you about it within the course or a day.

I love the word CHUMP, and other such uses like:

YA FUCKIN CHUMP!
What the fuck would you know? CHUMP!!
GET FUCKED CHUMP!!

I could go on for a while.

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-05-05T16:46:00

2006-05-05T20:48:03Z

Anyone wants to chill tonight well be at Bermuda park around 73:0

Call Tim at that time to varify: 905-449-7406

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-05-03T18:54:00

2006-05-03T23:06:18Z

I hate being stuck behind slow walking douchebags in the halls when Im in a rush not to be late for class. I cant even begin to count how many slow moving twats I have a murderous urge to drop kick in the throat on a daily basis.

The best part is no one will give a fuck that there is a kid lying blacked out gasping for air on the ground they'll all just be standing around going " HOLY SHIT DID YOU JUST SEE THAT!!!?? THAT GUY JUST DROP KICKED THE FAT KID IN THE THROAT!!! THAT WAS FUCKING COOL!!!

Its looking more and more like I'll have to apply at McDonalds and start serving fast food to fat fucks. I figure Ill run a black market on the happy meal toys though.

Anyone wanna drink with me and Tim friday? We dont have a place to drink so all you pussies who are whiney about drinking outside need not apply/.

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-04-30T18:10:00

2006-04-30T22:21:31Z

Something that really annoys me is this. I go to a place that has a help wanted sign, hand in a resume, NEVER hear back from the place and I go back a couple weeks later....and the fucking sign is STILL there. I AM TRYING TO FUCKIN HELP YOU!!!I AM BEING A CURTIOUS FUCKING INDIVIDUAL!! HELP ME HELP YOU!! Its not even the not getting a job that annoys me its that I fucking take the time to apply at your shit ass dive fast food joint that most of the employees are fuckin 30 year old high school dropouts, I dress up and act like a complete kiss ass moron with a smile and happy fucking tone, and then you decide Im not good enough to work there. Help wanted? You're going to defenitly need help when I PETROL BOMB YOUR FUCKING STORE!!

I have officially become like Peter from Office Space in my views towards school. Everyday is worse then the one prior. Lately I have gotten to the point where I dread going to school because it is now so boring and mind numbing. I was cool with it for a while but now I cant stand a single class I'm in. I can't wait to be done highschool and start learning about things that I like.

Jordan is in a very bad mood.

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-04-25T16:45:00

2006-04-25T21:16:36Z

SOooooooooooooooo there are a couple saying that really creep me out/ make me angry.

The first is people who say " you are so cute I could just eat you up". I have tried and tried and tried and can still not think of a situation or a way of saying this that doesnt make you sound like a COMPLETE FUCKING PSYCHOPATH!! I COULD EAT YOU UP, what are you Jeffery Dahmer, and Hannibal Lectors homoerotic devil child? People always go " oh its just a saying" no its a motto for cannibals you fucking psycho!!! I have never found something so cute and loveable that I want to eat it alive.

Next saying is. I hate when girls who are against giving head ( again girls you are dead to all men) who use the excuse I DONT KNOW WHERE ITS BEEN( refering to my penis for those of you who have a hard time keeping up) Im glad that you have now put my dick on the same level as a sucker you find on a subway. Where has it been? Its been in my pants what do you think I do I shove it into random holes? Well that another two lettes safetly inserted into the mailbox....hey while Im here......WHAT THE FUCK!!

And you know what? The question really should be whats benn in your twat. Ive heard so many fucked up stories about Bananas, and brooms, and popsicles. What if i were allergic to cherry popsicles huh? I lick your twat AND I FUCKIN DIE!!!

I hate the saying " i just do it to piss you off"You do it because you think its cool or funny not to piss me off. Know what Im gonna do to piss you off? Bash you in the head with my fuckin Num Chucks thats what!!!

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-04-23T14:19:00

2006-04-23T18:39:16Z

This post is dedicated to Brian.

I want.....a blimp. Seriously how cool would it be to have your own mother fuckin blimp? Just be talking to someone " so what are you up to tonight Jordan?" " oh you know not much gonna finish up some homework, have a shower, cruise the strip in my blimp, yeah thats right an actual fucking blimp, I own one. You should come I can put it on auto pilot we can watch movies as we cruise or just float for the fuck of it, really its a blimp the possibilities are endless."

Planes kiss the sky, I caress it softly. Thats going to be my pick up line, so I seem like a romantic but really I fly a blimp so Im a complete fucking loose cannon who plays by his own rules.

I'd even get a cool paint job on it so it has those speed flames on it.Id tear through the skies at a block every three hours. I'd reak havoc on parades that have the floating characters just saunter in shoot them down and make a quick drift away escape. Me and Brian would the pirates of flotation, itd be fucking great.

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-04-22T15:40:00

2006-04-22T19:50:54Z

What the fuck is with all these people who are obsessed with fucking photo cred on myspace? Why the fuck is it no matter what pic people have their some lame ass going HAR HAR DIDNT I TAKE THIS PICTURE? DUDE I SO TOOK THIS! DUDE WAY TO NOT MENTION ME- SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you think fucking talent scouts from Vanity fair fucking cruise myspace looking for new up and coming talent? Congratulations you can take a generic portrait shot, its time to get out of freelance and hit the big time of working at Blacks you fucking jackass!! No one cares that you fucking took the picture, you pressed a fucking button congratulations next well move onto colouring within the lines!!!

I hate...hot lesbians. I really really hate them. If you're a hot lesbian, FUCK YOU! When I see ugly lesbians that look like skinheads or truckers I dont frankly care because even if they fucked on the first date they are ugly as a dogs ass but when you get a hot lesbian then I get pissed. When i see a normal hot girl I can at least pretend I could get with her, with hot lesbians, I could have an 11 inch dick, 5 houses, and my own fucking blimp and would it matter NO!!!

Thats the problem its like you're tainted, I cant even have a simple erotic dream about you, its like someone stabbed my dick with a fork Im all happy and SHIT THATS GIRLS HOT- Oh yeah Jordan but shes gay FUCKING LIMP!!! Its fucking horrible. Hot lesbains are like having a vending machine that wont accept your dollar, its just there.... just beyond your reach tempting you, and you cant have it.

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-04-20T20:28:00

2006-04-21T00:36:44Z

I've decided I like being an asshole, since being nice just makes me seem like a tool. Because as they say " Its very easy to critisize.Fun too."

Does anyone else notice the irony in people driving to the gym to go on treadmills? Why dont you just go for a walk? Does...does that mean I have to go...outiside....usually it does yes. ARE YOU LISTENING TO YOURSELF!!! YOU KNOW WHATS OUTISDE!!! HIPPIES, AND VAGRANT PUNK TYPES!!!

This weekend should be good.

Some of my classes have become mind numbingly monotonous.

Pretty much have the whole day off tommorow. Should be kick ass.

My mom buys me beer, therefore she is cooler then your mom.

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-04-19T17:27:00

2006-04-19T21:56:06Z

So looking for a job sucks. I figure worse comes to worse Ill start dealing drugs. The only down side is these girls tease you into thinking they just wanna give you head, and in the end they think it pays for crack. Itll just be my luck

Hey thanks babe, you want the crack though its gonna be 50 bucks
BUT I GAVE YOU HEAD!
BITCH YOU THINK IM HANDIN OUT FREEBIES? I CANT PAY MY BILLS WITH BLOWJOBS. IF I COULD GET THINGS WITH BLOWJOBS I'D LIVE IN A MANSION AND FLY A FUCKIN GOLD PLATTED JET MOTHER FUCKER!! 50 DOLLAR!!

I figure my cover will be Im a blind boy selling flour for his deaf quadrupal amputee war veteran father.

4 20 tommorow guys, who wants to cut class and get BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZED!!??

Did you know that Joe used to look like a young Carl Winslow before...the accident.

I've been really happy lately, for some odd reason.

start_a_riot99 @ 2006-04-18T15:49:00

2006-04-18T20:24:36Z

Something I always find so funny about couples is how no matter how many times you fall in love you always refer to the person you are dating as " the most beautiful and amazing person in the world". You could have fallen in love with like 8 people and everytime they are the best....this IS BULLSHIT!! You cant just throw the title of most beautiful and amazing person around all willy fuckin nilly alright? Fuck if I did that itd just be my luck Im sitting with my girlfriend phone rings, I pick it up:

Jordan?
Yeah, whats this.
Who's this?...WHOS THIS? DOES THE GIRL FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING GIRL MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?
HA HA...Karen...hi...
YOU'RE A LIAR JORDAN! ONE TALL SKINNY LYIN MA FUCKA!! You know you cant just tell anyone they are the most beautiful person in the world Jordan, this aint the fuckin Miss Universe contest, you cant just change who it is every fuckin year.
Karen I- JORDAN WHO IS IT?
Whos that Jordan? That your new gf? Put her on the phone.
Karen I dont think it would be a good
YOU DONT THINK PERIOD STUPID!!! OR ELSE YOU WOULD HAVE REALIZE THE TITLE OF MOST AMAZING ANYTHING NEVER CHANGES!...put her on the phone.

And then theyd talk and youd think shed be on your side but no it would turn into something like:

You two faced lying son of a bitch. You just say that to anyone dont you? Most beautful person youve ever seen? How many girls you said that to? Next week you gonna find someone who looks better and then Im gonna turn into some psycho bitch who calls you 5 months after we broke up?OOOOOOOH you best pray I dont gouge your fucking eyes out for this one.

This is why you should never date anyone...ever.

Another thing I cant stand in most people is this idea and feeling the need to rant about bullshit at me, and then be a bold fucking hypocrite. Im tired of all these lame ass animal rights fuckbags who say they are " trying to give up meat", or animal rights people who are just vegiterians. Or there are these lame ass people who are all ANTI- WOMEN AS OBJECTS!! But wear trendy clothes and accesories, and makeup. Really if you are going to bitch about something to me, please dont be a huge hypocrite. Do not bitch about how people need to stop perpetuating things WHEN YOU ARE ONE OF THE PEOPLE PERPETUATING IT!!! If I have to hear another crackpot leftist rant where the person tries to methaphorically compare us to animals, Im going to go club them to death with their trendy sandals, and sidebag.

WOMEN ARE OPPRESSED!! GOOD! Its people like you who constantly bitch that make me care less and less about things I should actually care about. People like you if anything turn people off to stoping problems because all you accomplish is annoying the crap out of people with your braindead and pointless metaphors and WELL THEY WANT YOU TO THINK?! What I want you to KNOW is that you're an annoying moronic assclown who makes people who have the same opinions you do but manage not to sound like a total fuck off about it look like a bunch of whinos. FUCK OFF!

Jordan would like to clarify that he does not support opression. But cows are tasty as are.... well you know ;) haha